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Endo! Part II

On my favorite biking trail there's a spot that is quite frightening the first time you encounter it. While riding on a relatively flat portion of the path the rider is suddenly presented with a steep slope down to a creek bottom over which lies a small wooden bridge. Just beyond the bridge on the other side the bank rises just as steeply to the same level as the original path. On seeing this obstacle the very first time I stopped dead in my tracks. It was a perfect place to have a serious "Endo" (biker slang for "end-over-end"). If you got going too fast down the slope and then applied your brakes to avoid hitting the bridge too hard, you could lose traction on the rear tires and presto: Endo time!

So, for a number of days when I reached this point of the trail I got off my bike, maneuvered it carefully down the steep slope on foot, and then struggled to pull it up the opposite slope on the other side of the creek. "This is silly," I thought. "As a physicist, it's clear to me that the large kinetic energy I gain as a result of going down the slope will be completely used up when I go up the slope, and everything will be back to normal." But it's one thing to theorize, and quite another to actually do the experiment suggested by the theory! But finally I mustered enough courage to try it. Sure enough, my speed was so high going down that I couldn't resist braking near the bottom, thereby risking an Endo. Then, because of the braking, I didn't have enough momentum to make it up the opposite slope, and got stuck in the middle trying to maintain my balance while digging in my heels to walk the bike up the rest of the way without plunging backwards towards the bridge. Frustrated by this experience I determined that the next time I would lay off the brakes and simply trust the laws of physics to take care of me. And it worked! It was hard to believe. With all the will I could muster I forced my hands to stay away from the brake levers, and before I knew it, I was down the slope and back up the other side with nary a care. It was a miracle! And it was even fun. From then on I looked forward to going over this spot as my little thrill of the day-always trusting what my previous experience taught me about relying on the laws of physics and the clever designer of the trail.

Sometimes the spiritual Endos we encounter in life are just as scary as my adventure on the creek banks. Serious illness, the loss of a loved one, the loss of a job or a financial catastrophe, a divorce-all these can threaten to replace our faith by fear. In Scripture we see real people dealing with spiritual Endos: David for example facing the rebellion of his son Absalom and his agonizing grief when that same son dies. Or consider our Lord in the garden of Gethsemane. Luke tells us that his agony was so great that he sweated drops of blood.

What is encouraging about these Scriptural examples is the point they make about the sovereignty of God. David's psalms are chock full of his belief that his God was in control of the universe and would ultimately set all records straight. Our Lord trusted in the will of the Father: "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done" (Luke 22:42). His true desire was that he be spared the suffering he faced; yet he the God-man trusted in the Father's sovereign choice and allowed the events to unfold that took him to the cross, and then to a glorious resurrection. At the same time Luke tells us that an angel was sent to strengthen him even as the answer to his prayer was: "drink the cup you have been given."

In my episode with the scary slope, letting go of the brake and trusting the course designer was the right course of action. Likewise, Jesus shows us that accepting the Father's will, regardless of the pain, is what ultimately leads to glory. If he, the only perfect man to ever live, willingly accepted the suffering that he fully understood, how much more should we imperfect sinners accept the painful providence that we only partially understand.

Job was one man who had difficulty with such acceptance. Throughout the book that bears his name we see him appealing-and even demanding-an audience with the Lord so that he might justify himself in the midst of his sufferings. His three comforters failed in bringing Job to a correct understanding, so it was left to a fourth man, the mysterious Elihu, to bring Job the true comfort that he needed. In a few brief verses (Job 33:23-30), Elihu describes how the redemption of the sufferer is achieved through the ransom of a mediator. Though commentators are at odds over Elihu's contribution, I find it helpful to view Elihu as bringing an early gospel message to his suffering friend. Like Luke he mentions an angel strengthening the one "going down to the pit", perhaps even referring to theophanic appearance of Christ. It seems as though Elihu is saying to Job: be patient Job, the Mediator himself will be with you in the midst of your sufferings in ways beyond your present understanding. Sure enough, immediately after Elihu ends his speech, God appears to Job out of the whirlwind proclaiming his sovereignty in creation. Job is so taken with God's word to him he can only repent in sackcloth and ashes.

Like Job, I have known what it means to protest the Lord's will. Not once but twice I've had to wrestle with the fact the person I love most in this world was threatened by cancer. Looking back 11 years ago I can see how the Lord provided for Susan and me in the midst of her first illness. Our prayers for her recovery through the medical wisdom he provided in his providence were fully answered. She was cured of her breast cancer. The lesson I learned then was to live a day at a time, and to praise God for his gift of the most wonderful person in the world to be my wedded wife.

But I grew complacent. Having conquered cancer surely nothing more would befall us. But then the diagnosis came of an even more threatening form of the disease. To me this was like the scary spot on the trail. The slope was much too steep. I put on my spiritual brakes. I Endoed. I desperately searched for some magic bullet that I could use to rescue Susan from this calamity. Yet Susan herself was at peace. Like Jesus she hopes that the cup will pass. But in the midst of the pain of her surgery and the burden of her chemotherapy she continues to trust in the sovereign purposes and plan of her Lord. (Oh, that I could be as good a Presbyterian as she is….) And so there has come for me a point also where I have released the brakes, and said "not my will, but thine be done." Perhaps for the first time in my life I am beginning to understand the words to that great old hymn:

"The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose,
I will not, I will not desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I'll never, no, never, no, never forsake."

Other Pop Writings:
Caddo! (5/2002)
Raising Cane (4/2002)
Ask Anything? (3/2002)
The Race (3/2002)
The Hill (3/2002)
A Remembrance (3/2002)
Christmas, 1941 (12/2001)
Endo II (3/2001)
Endo I (10/2000)
The Course (5/2000)
The Rope (1/2000)

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