Remembering Susan

The Delight of My Eyes

The word of the LORD came to me: "Son of man, behold, I am about to take the delight of your eyes away from you at a stroke; yet you shall not mourn or weep, nor shall your tears run down. Sigh, but not aloud; make no mourning for the dead. Bind on your turban, and put your shoes on your feet; do not cover your lips, nor eat the bread of men." So I spoke to the people in the morning, and at evening my wife died. And on the next morning I did as I was commanded.
This weekend marks the one year anniversary of Susan's last weekend in this life. Flowers have been prepared in her memory for display in tomorrow's church service, and coincidentally, her grandson Luke will be baptized at that service. How pleased she would be.

For me the passage above from Ezekiel 24 says it perfectly. She was the delight of my eyes, as the picture above attests. In the case of Ezekiel and the people of Israel with Jerusalem under siege, the Lord went to great lengths in the prophet's life to prove a point: He took his wife. I can't claim something as dramatic in my life, yet the effect is the same: I grieve every day as I long for the delight of my eyes even as the prophet must have done.

Ezekiel went on with his life, as commanded by the Lord. In this year of Jubilee I do too, not knowing where the path may lead. She was always sure: "His plan is perfect." And so it is.

The Tenth Day of the Seventh Month

Then you shall sound the loud trumpet on the tenth day of the seventh month. On the Day of Atonement you shall sound the trumpet throughout all your land. And you shall consecrate the fiftieth year, and proclaim liberty throughout the land to all its inhabitants. It shall be a jubilee for you, when each of you shall return to his property and each of you shall return to his clan. That fiftieth year shall be a jubilee for you; in it you shall neither sow nor reap what grows of itself nor gather the grapes from the undressed vines. For it is a jubilee. It shall be holy to you.

Yesterday was a long, but pleasant day. David and I drove his Aunt Shari and her automobile from Atlanta to Dallas as part of her planned move from North Carolina to the DFW area. As I climbed into bed after the long trip and picked up my Bible to read a passage before going to sleep, I found in my mind this persistent thought that would not go away. "Find and read the passage on the Year of Jubliee," the thought said. I attempted to comply. I searched in my concordance for "Jubilee" but found nothing. Then I tried "Year" and sure enough there was an entry: "Year, of Jubilee: Lev. 25." I dutifully turned to the passage and read that which is quoted above. The date was July 9, 2004. As I read the words above something I had never seen before leaped out from the page: "the tenth day of the seventh month." The Year of Jubliee started on their July 10th!! And July 10th is the day of my 39th anniversary of being wed to the sweetest, most wonderful girl in the world: Susan Gayle Sanders in Webster Groves, Missouri at the Webster Groves Christian Church in the year of our Lord 1965.

I could hardly believe what I was reading. For 39 years I had missed this simple fact about Jubilee and the Day of Atonement---namely, that they both started on the equivalent of our wedding anniversary, July 10th. But why now was I discovering this? And where did this persistent thought that caused me to search this out come from?

I have concluded that it came from none other than the Holy Spirit who was giving this special token of Christ's love for me as I come to this first wedding anniversary without her. The year of Jubilee is a year of beginnings in the Old Testament. Property is restored to the original owners. Debts are forgiven. The ground is unfettered to bear fruit as it will.

And so I believe the message that is being delivered to me is that I, too, am to enter a Year of Jubilee. A new beginning. The year of mourning is over. My new life is to begin, whatever that means.

I continue to miss Susan beyond the ability to express it. Yet, the question that confronts me is this: do I love her enough to be content to release her to the One who created her, and is now caring for her---yes, and even husbanding her--far better than this poor sinner could ever do in this fallen world? The answer is yes. It is the answer she would want me to give, and the one I must give as I willingly step out in faith depending on His caring providences for us both.